What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.
miércoles, 17 de noviembre de 2010
Love Is Not All - St. Vincent Millay
Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink
Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain;
Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink
And rise and sink and rise and sink again;
Love can not fill the thickened lung with breath,
Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;
Yet many a man is making friends with death
Even as I speak, for lack of love alone.
It well may be that in a difficult hour,
Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,
Or nagged by want past resolution's power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It well may be. I do not think I would.
Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain;
Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink
And rise and sink and rise and sink again;
Love can not fill the thickened lung with breath,
Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;
Yet many a man is making friends with death
Even as I speak, for lack of love alone.
It well may be that in a difficult hour,
Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,
Or nagged by want past resolution's power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It well may be. I do not think I would.
Acquainted With The Night - Robert Frost
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
O luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
O luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.
Once By The Pacific - Robert Frost
The shattered water made a misty din.
Great waves looked over others coming in,
And thought of doing something to the shore
That water never did to land before.
The clouds were low and hairy in the skies,
Like locks blown forward in the gleam of eyes.
You could not tell, and yet it looked as if
The shore was lucky in being backed by cliff,
The cliff in being backed by continent;
It looked as if a night of dark intent
Was coming, and not only a night, an age.
Someone had better be prepared for rage.
There would be more than ocean-water broken
Before God's last Put out the Light was spoken.
Great waves looked over others coming in,
And thought of doing something to the shore
That water never did to land before.
The clouds were low and hairy in the skies,
Like locks blown forward in the gleam of eyes.
You could not tell, and yet it looked as if
The shore was lucky in being backed by cliff,
The cliff in being backed by continent;
It looked as if a night of dark intent
Was coming, and not only a night, an age.
Someone had better be prepared for rage.
There would be more than ocean-water broken
Before God's last Put out the Light was spoken.
The Dead Poet - Lord Alfred Douglas
I dreamed of him last night, I saw his face
All radiant and unshadowed of distress,
And as of old, in music measureless,
I heard his golden voice and marked him trace
Under the common thing the hidden grace,
And conjure wonder out of emptiness,
Till mean things put on beauty like a dress
And all the world was an enchanted place.
And then methought outside a fast locked gate
I mourned the loss of unrecorded words,
Forgotten tales and mysteries half said,
Wonders that might have been articulate,
And voiceless thoughts like murdered singing birds.
And so I woke and knew that he was dead.
All radiant and unshadowed of distress,
And as of old, in music measureless,
I heard his golden voice and marked him trace
Under the common thing the hidden grace,
And conjure wonder out of emptiness,
Till mean things put on beauty like a dress
And all the world was an enchanted place.
And then methought outside a fast locked gate
I mourned the loss of unrecorded words,
Forgotten tales and mysteries half said,
Wonders that might have been articulate,
And voiceless thoughts like murdered singing birds.
And so I woke and knew that he was dead.
Anthem For Doomed Youth - Wilfred Owen
What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, –
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, –
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.
Hamlet Soliloquy - Shakespeare
To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
jueves, 11 de noviembre de 2010
Booz Endormi - Victor Hugo
Booz se había acostado, rendido de fatiga;
Todo el día había trabajado sus tierras
y luego preparado su lecho en el lugar de siempre;
Booz dormía junto a los celemines llenos de trigo.
Ese anciano poseía campos de trigo y de cebada;
Y, aunque rico, era justo;
No había lodo en el agua de su molino;
Ni infierno en el fuego de su fragua.
Su barba era plateada como arroyo de abril.
Su gavilla no era avara ni tenía odio;
Cuando veía pasar alguna pobre espigadora:
"Dejar caer a propósito espigas" -decía.
Caminaba puro ese hombre, lejos de los senderos desviados,
vestido de cándida probidad y lino blanco;
Y, siempre sus sacos de grano, como fuentes públicas,
del lado de los pobres se derramaban.
Booz era buen amo y fiel pariente;
aunque ahorrador, era generoso;
las mujeres le miraban más que a un joven,
pues el joven es hermoso, pero el anciano es grande.
El anciano que vuelve hacia la fuente primera,
entra en los días eternos y sale de los días cambiantes;
se ve llama en los ojos de los jóvenes,
pero en el ojo del anciano se ve luz.
2
Así pues Booz en la noche, dormía entre los suyos.
Cerca de las hacinas que se hubiesen tomado por ruinas,
los segadores acostados formaban grupos oscuros:
Y esto ocurría en tiempos muy antiguos.
Las tribus de Israel tenían por jefe un juez;
la tierra donde el hombre erraba bajo la tienda, inquieto
por las huellas de los pies del gigante que veía,
estaba mojada aún y blanda del diluvio.
3
Así como dormía Jacob, como dormía Judith,
Booz con los ojos cerrados, yacía bajo la enramada;
entonces, habiéndose entreabierto la puerta del cielo
por encima de su cabeza, fue bajando un sueño.
Y ese sueño era tal que Booz vio un roble
que, salido de su vientre, iba hasta el cielo azul;
una raza trepaba como una larga cadena;
Un rey cantaba abajo, arriba moría un dios.
Y Booz murmuraba con la voz del alma:
"¿Cómo podría ser que eso viniese de mí?
la cifra de mis años ha pasado los ochenta,
y no tengo hijos y ya no tengo mujer.
Hace ya mucho que aquella con quien dormía,
¡Oh Señor! dejó mi lecho por el vuestro;
Y estamos todavía tan mezclados el uno al otro,
ella semi viva, semi muerto yo.
Nacería de mí una raza ¿cómo creerlo?
¿Cómo podría ser que tenga hijos?
Cuando de joven se tienen mañanas triunfantes,
el día sale de la noche como de una victoria;
Pero de viejo, uno tiembla como el árbol en invierno;
viudo estoy, estoy solo, sobre mí cae la noche,
e inclino ¡oh Dios mío! mi alma hacia la tumba,
como un buey sediento inclina su cabeza hacia el agua".
Así hablaba Booz en el sueño y el éxtasis,
volviendo hacia Dios sus ojos anegados por el sueño;
el cedro no siente una rosa en su base,
y él no sentía una mujer a sus pies.
4
Mientras dormía, Ruth, una Moabita,
se había recostado a los pies de Booz, con el seno desnudo,
esperando no se sabe qué rayo desconocido
cuando viniera del despertar la súbita luz.
Booz no sabía que una mujer estaba ahí,
y Ruth no sabía lo que Dios quería de ella.
Un fresco perfume salía de los ramos de asfodelas;
los vientos de la noche flotaban sobre Galgalá.
La sombra era nupcial, augusta y solemne;
allí, tal vez, oscuramente, los ángeles volaban,
a veces, se veía pasar en la noche,
algo azul semejante a un ala.
La respiración de Booz durmiendo
se mezclaba con el ruido sordo de los arroyos sobre el musgo.
Era un mes en que la naturaleza es dulce,
y hay lirios en la cima de las colinas.
Ruth soñaba y Booz dormía; la hierba era negra;
Los cencerros del ganado palpitaban vagamente;
Una inmensa bondad caía del firmamento;
Era la hora tranquila en que los leones van a beber.
Todo reposaba en Ur y en Jerimadet;
Los astros esmaltaban el cielo profundo y sombrío;
El cuarto creciente fino y claro entre esas flores de la sombra
brillaba en Occidente, y Ruth se preguntaba,
inmóvil, entreabriendo los ojos bajo sus velos,
qué dios, qué segador del eterno verano,
había dejado caer negligentemente al irse
esa hoz de oro en los campos de estrellas.
Todo el día había trabajado sus tierras
y luego preparado su lecho en el lugar de siempre;
Booz dormía junto a los celemines llenos de trigo.
Ese anciano poseía campos de trigo y de cebada;
Y, aunque rico, era justo;
No había lodo en el agua de su molino;
Ni infierno en el fuego de su fragua.
Su barba era plateada como arroyo de abril.
Su gavilla no era avara ni tenía odio;
Cuando veía pasar alguna pobre espigadora:
"Dejar caer a propósito espigas" -decía.
Caminaba puro ese hombre, lejos de los senderos desviados,
vestido de cándida probidad y lino blanco;
Y, siempre sus sacos de grano, como fuentes públicas,
del lado de los pobres se derramaban.
Booz era buen amo y fiel pariente;
aunque ahorrador, era generoso;
las mujeres le miraban más que a un joven,
pues el joven es hermoso, pero el anciano es grande.
El anciano que vuelve hacia la fuente primera,
entra en los días eternos y sale de los días cambiantes;
se ve llama en los ojos de los jóvenes,
pero en el ojo del anciano se ve luz.
2
Así pues Booz en la noche, dormía entre los suyos.
Cerca de las hacinas que se hubiesen tomado por ruinas,
los segadores acostados formaban grupos oscuros:
Y esto ocurría en tiempos muy antiguos.
Las tribus de Israel tenían por jefe un juez;
la tierra donde el hombre erraba bajo la tienda, inquieto
por las huellas de los pies del gigante que veía,
estaba mojada aún y blanda del diluvio.
3
Así como dormía Jacob, como dormía Judith,
Booz con los ojos cerrados, yacía bajo la enramada;
entonces, habiéndose entreabierto la puerta del cielo
por encima de su cabeza, fue bajando un sueño.
Y ese sueño era tal que Booz vio un roble
que, salido de su vientre, iba hasta el cielo azul;
una raza trepaba como una larga cadena;
Un rey cantaba abajo, arriba moría un dios.
Y Booz murmuraba con la voz del alma:
"¿Cómo podría ser que eso viniese de mí?
la cifra de mis años ha pasado los ochenta,
y no tengo hijos y ya no tengo mujer.
Hace ya mucho que aquella con quien dormía,
¡Oh Señor! dejó mi lecho por el vuestro;
Y estamos todavía tan mezclados el uno al otro,
ella semi viva, semi muerto yo.
Nacería de mí una raza ¿cómo creerlo?
¿Cómo podría ser que tenga hijos?
Cuando de joven se tienen mañanas triunfantes,
el día sale de la noche como de una victoria;
Pero de viejo, uno tiembla como el árbol en invierno;
viudo estoy, estoy solo, sobre mí cae la noche,
e inclino ¡oh Dios mío! mi alma hacia la tumba,
como un buey sediento inclina su cabeza hacia el agua".
Así hablaba Booz en el sueño y el éxtasis,
volviendo hacia Dios sus ojos anegados por el sueño;
el cedro no siente una rosa en su base,
y él no sentía una mujer a sus pies.
4
Mientras dormía, Ruth, una Moabita,
se había recostado a los pies de Booz, con el seno desnudo,
esperando no se sabe qué rayo desconocido
cuando viniera del despertar la súbita luz.
Booz no sabía que una mujer estaba ahí,
y Ruth no sabía lo que Dios quería de ella.
Un fresco perfume salía de los ramos de asfodelas;
los vientos de la noche flotaban sobre Galgalá.
La sombra era nupcial, augusta y solemne;
allí, tal vez, oscuramente, los ángeles volaban,
a veces, se veía pasar en la noche,
algo azul semejante a un ala.
La respiración de Booz durmiendo
se mezclaba con el ruido sordo de los arroyos sobre el musgo.
Era un mes en que la naturaleza es dulce,
y hay lirios en la cima de las colinas.
Ruth soñaba y Booz dormía; la hierba era negra;
Los cencerros del ganado palpitaban vagamente;
Una inmensa bondad caía del firmamento;
Era la hora tranquila en que los leones van a beber.
Todo reposaba en Ur y en Jerimadet;
Los astros esmaltaban el cielo profundo y sombrío;
El cuarto creciente fino y claro entre esas flores de la sombra
brillaba en Occidente, y Ruth se preguntaba,
inmóvil, entreabriendo los ojos bajo sus velos,
qué dios, qué segador del eterno verano,
había dejado caer negligentemente al irse
esa hoz de oro en los campos de estrellas.
lunes, 8 de noviembre de 2010
The Double Image - Anne Sexton
1.
I am thirty this November.
You are still small, in your fourth year.
We stand watching the yellow leaves go queer,
flapping in the winter rain.
falling flat and washed. And I remember
mostly the three autumns you did not live here.
They said I’d never get you back again.
I tell you what you’ll never really know:
all the medical hypothesis
that explained my brain will never be as true as these
struck leaves letting go.
I, who chose two times
to kill myself, had said your nickname
the mewling mouths when you first came;
until a fever rattled
in your throat and I moved like a pantomine
above your head. Ugly angels spoke to me. The blame,
I heard them say, was mine. They tattled
like green witches in my head, letting doom
leak like a broken faucet;
as if doom had flooded my belly and filled your bassinet,
an old debt I must assume.
Death was simpler than I’d thought.
The day life made you well and whole
I let the witches take away my guilty soul.
I pretended I was dead
until the white men pumped the poison out,
putting me armless and washed through the rigamarole
of talking boxes and the electric bed.
I laughed to see the private iron in that hotel.
Today the yellow leaves
go queer. You ask me where they go I say today believed
in itself, or else it fell.
Today, my small child, Joyce,
love your self’s self where it lives.
There is no special God to refer to; or if there is,
why did I let you grow
in another place. You did not know my voice
when I came back to call. All the superlatives
of tomorrow’s white tree and mistletoe
will not help you know the holidays you had to miss.
The time I did not love
myself, I visited your shoveled walks; you held my glove.
There was new snow after this.
2.
They sent me letters with news
of you and I made moccasins that I would never use.
When I grew well enough to tolerate
myself, I lived with my mother, the witches said.
But I didn’t leave. I had my portrait
done instead.
Part way back from Bedlam
I came to my mother’s house in Gloucester,
Massachusetts. And this is how I came
to catch at her; and this is how I lost her.
I cannot forgive your suicide, my mother said.
And she never could. She had my portrait
done instead.
I lived like an angry guest,
like a partly mended thing, an outgrown child.
I remember my mother did her best.
She took me to Boston and had my hair restyled.
Your smile is like your mother’s, the artist said.
I didn’t seem to care. I had my portrait
done instead.
There was a church where I grew up
with its white cupboards where they locked us up,
row by row, like puritans or shipmates
singing together. My father passed the plate.
Too late to be forgiven now, the witches said.
I wasn’t exactly forgiven. They had my portrait
done instead.
3.
All that summer sprinklers arched
over the seaside grass.
We talked of drought
while the salt-parched
field grew sweet again. To help time pass
I tried to mow the lawn
and in the morning I had my portrait done,
holding my smile in place, till it grew formal.
Once I mailed you a picture of a rabbit
and a postcard of Motif number one,
as if it were normal
to be a mother and be gone.
They hung my portrait in the chill
north light, matching
me to keep me well.
Only my mother grew ill.
She turned from me, as if death were catching,
as if death transferred,
as if my dying had eaten inside of her.
That August you were two, by I timed my days with doubt.
On the first of September she looked at me
and said I gave her cancer.
They carved her sweet hills out
and still I couldn’t answer.
4.
That winter she came
part way back
from her sterile suite
of doctors, the seasick
cruise of the X-ray,
the cells’ arithmetic
gone wild. Surgery incomplete,
the fat arm, the prognosis poor, I heard
them say.
During the sea blizzards
she had here
own portrait painted.
A cave of mirror
placed on the south wall;
matching smile, matching contour.
And you resembled me; unacquainted
with my face, you wore it. But you were mine
after all.
I wintered in Boston,
childless bride,
nothing sweet to spare
with witches at my side.
I missed your babyhood,
tried a second suicide,
tried the sealed hotel a second year.
On April Fool you fooled me. We laughed and this
was good.
5.
I checked out for the last time
on the first of May;
graduate of the mental cases,
with my analysts’s okay,
my complete book of rhymes,
my typewriter and my suitcases.
All that summer I learned life
back into my own
seven rooms, visited the swan boats,
the market, answered the phone,
served cocktails as a wife
should, made love among my petticoats
and August tan. And you came each
weekend. But I lie.
You seldom came. I just pretended
you, small piglet, butterfly
girl with jelly bean cheeks,
disobedient three, my splendid
stranger. And I had to learn
why I would rather
die than love, how your innocence
would hurt and how I gather
guilt like a young intern
his symptons, his certain evidence.
That October day we went
to Gloucester the red hills
reminded me of the dry red fur fox
coat I played in as a child; stock still
like a bear or a tent,
like a great cave laughing or a red fur fox.
We drove past the hatchery,
the hut that sells bait,
past Pigeon Cove, past the Yacht Club, past Squall’s
Hill, to the house that waits
still, on the top of the sea,
and two portraits hung on the opposite walls.
6.
In north light, my smile is held in place,
the shadow marks my bone.
What could I have been dreaming as I sat there,
all of me waiting in the eyes, the zone
of the smile, the young face,
the foxes’ snare.
In south light, her smile is held in place,
her cheeks wilting like a dry
orchid; my mocking mirror, my overthrown
love, my first image. She eyes me from that face
that stony head of death
I had outgrown.
The artist caught us at the turning;
we smiled in our canvas home
before we chose our foreknown separate ways.
The dry red fur fox coat was made for burning.
I rot on the wall, my own
Dorian Gray.
And this was the cave of the mirror,
that double woman who stares
at herself, as if she were petrified
in time — two ladies sitting in umber chairs.
You kissed your grandmother
and she cried.
7.
I could not get you back
except for weekends. You came
each time, clutching the picture of a rabbit
that I had sent you. For the last time I unpack
your things. We touch from habit.
The first visit you asked my name.
Now you will stay for good. I will forget
how we bumped away from each other like marionettes
on strings. It wasn’t the same
as love, letting weekends contain
us. You scrape your knee. You learn my name,
wobbling up the sidewalk, calling and crying.
You can call me mother and I remember my mother again,
somewhere in greater Boston, dying.
I remember we named you Joyce
so we could call you Joy.
You came like an awkward guest
that first time, all wrapped and moist
and strange at my heavy breast.
I needed you. I didn’t want a boy,
only a girl, a small milky mouse
of a girl, already loved, already loud in the house
of herself. We named you Joy.
I, who was never quite sure
about being a girl, needed another
life, another image to remind me.
And this was my worst guilt; you could not cure
or soothe it. I made you to find me.
I am thirty this November.
You are still small, in your fourth year.
We stand watching the yellow leaves go queer,
flapping in the winter rain.
falling flat and washed. And I remember
mostly the three autumns you did not live here.
They said I’d never get you back again.
I tell you what you’ll never really know:
all the medical hypothesis
that explained my brain will never be as true as these
struck leaves letting go.
I, who chose two times
to kill myself, had said your nickname
the mewling mouths when you first came;
until a fever rattled
in your throat and I moved like a pantomine
above your head. Ugly angels spoke to me. The blame,
I heard them say, was mine. They tattled
like green witches in my head, letting doom
leak like a broken faucet;
as if doom had flooded my belly and filled your bassinet,
an old debt I must assume.
Death was simpler than I’d thought.
The day life made you well and whole
I let the witches take away my guilty soul.
I pretended I was dead
until the white men pumped the poison out,
putting me armless and washed through the rigamarole
of talking boxes and the electric bed.
I laughed to see the private iron in that hotel.
Today the yellow leaves
go queer. You ask me where they go I say today believed
in itself, or else it fell.
Today, my small child, Joyce,
love your self’s self where it lives.
There is no special God to refer to; or if there is,
why did I let you grow
in another place. You did not know my voice
when I came back to call. All the superlatives
of tomorrow’s white tree and mistletoe
will not help you know the holidays you had to miss.
The time I did not love
myself, I visited your shoveled walks; you held my glove.
There was new snow after this.
2.
They sent me letters with news
of you and I made moccasins that I would never use.
When I grew well enough to tolerate
myself, I lived with my mother, the witches said.
But I didn’t leave. I had my portrait
done instead.
Part way back from Bedlam
I came to my mother’s house in Gloucester,
Massachusetts. And this is how I came
to catch at her; and this is how I lost her.
I cannot forgive your suicide, my mother said.
And she never could. She had my portrait
done instead.
I lived like an angry guest,
like a partly mended thing, an outgrown child.
I remember my mother did her best.
She took me to Boston and had my hair restyled.
Your smile is like your mother’s, the artist said.
I didn’t seem to care. I had my portrait
done instead.
There was a church where I grew up
with its white cupboards where they locked us up,
row by row, like puritans or shipmates
singing together. My father passed the plate.
Too late to be forgiven now, the witches said.
I wasn’t exactly forgiven. They had my portrait
done instead.
3.
All that summer sprinklers arched
over the seaside grass.
We talked of drought
while the salt-parched
field grew sweet again. To help time pass
I tried to mow the lawn
and in the morning I had my portrait done,
holding my smile in place, till it grew formal.
Once I mailed you a picture of a rabbit
and a postcard of Motif number one,
as if it were normal
to be a mother and be gone.
They hung my portrait in the chill
north light, matching
me to keep me well.
Only my mother grew ill.
She turned from me, as if death were catching,
as if death transferred,
as if my dying had eaten inside of her.
That August you were two, by I timed my days with doubt.
On the first of September she looked at me
and said I gave her cancer.
They carved her sweet hills out
and still I couldn’t answer.
4.
That winter she came
part way back
from her sterile suite
of doctors, the seasick
cruise of the X-ray,
the cells’ arithmetic
gone wild. Surgery incomplete,
the fat arm, the prognosis poor, I heard
them say.
During the sea blizzards
she had here
own portrait painted.
A cave of mirror
placed on the south wall;
matching smile, matching contour.
And you resembled me; unacquainted
with my face, you wore it. But you were mine
after all.
I wintered in Boston,
childless bride,
nothing sweet to spare
with witches at my side.
I missed your babyhood,
tried a second suicide,
tried the sealed hotel a second year.
On April Fool you fooled me. We laughed and this
was good.
5.
I checked out for the last time
on the first of May;
graduate of the mental cases,
with my analysts’s okay,
my complete book of rhymes,
my typewriter and my suitcases.
All that summer I learned life
back into my own
seven rooms, visited the swan boats,
the market, answered the phone,
served cocktails as a wife
should, made love among my petticoats
and August tan. And you came each
weekend. But I lie.
You seldom came. I just pretended
you, small piglet, butterfly
girl with jelly bean cheeks,
disobedient three, my splendid
stranger. And I had to learn
why I would rather
die than love, how your innocence
would hurt and how I gather
guilt like a young intern
his symptons, his certain evidence.
That October day we went
to Gloucester the red hills
reminded me of the dry red fur fox
coat I played in as a child; stock still
like a bear or a tent,
like a great cave laughing or a red fur fox.
We drove past the hatchery,
the hut that sells bait,
past Pigeon Cove, past the Yacht Club, past Squall’s
Hill, to the house that waits
still, on the top of the sea,
and two portraits hung on the opposite walls.
6.
In north light, my smile is held in place,
the shadow marks my bone.
What could I have been dreaming as I sat there,
all of me waiting in the eyes, the zone
of the smile, the young face,
the foxes’ snare.
In south light, her smile is held in place,
her cheeks wilting like a dry
orchid; my mocking mirror, my overthrown
love, my first image. She eyes me from that face
that stony head of death
I had outgrown.
The artist caught us at the turning;
we smiled in our canvas home
before we chose our foreknown separate ways.
The dry red fur fox coat was made for burning.
I rot on the wall, my own
Dorian Gray.
And this was the cave of the mirror,
that double woman who stares
at herself, as if she were petrified
in time — two ladies sitting in umber chairs.
You kissed your grandmother
and she cried.
7.
I could not get you back
except for weekends. You came
each time, clutching the picture of a rabbit
that I had sent you. For the last time I unpack
your things. We touch from habit.
The first visit you asked my name.
Now you will stay for good. I will forget
how we bumped away from each other like marionettes
on strings. It wasn’t the same
as love, letting weekends contain
us. You scrape your knee. You learn my name,
wobbling up the sidewalk, calling and crying.
You can call me mother and I remember my mother again,
somewhere in greater Boston, dying.
I remember we named you Joyce
so we could call you Joy.
You came like an awkward guest
that first time, all wrapped and moist
and strange at my heavy breast.
I needed you. I didn’t want a boy,
only a girl, a small milky mouse
of a girl, already loved, already loud in the house
of herself. We named you Joy.
I, who was never quite sure
about being a girl, needed another
life, another image to remind me.
And this was my worst guilt; you could not cure
or soothe it. I made you to find me.
miércoles, 3 de noviembre de 2010
Written on a Summer Evening - John Keats
The church bells toll a melancholy round,
Calling the people to some other prayers,
Some other gloominess, more dreadful cares,
More harkening to the sermon's horrid sound.
Surely the mind of man is closely bound
In some blind spell: seeing that each one tears
Himself from fireside joys and Lydian airs,
And converse high of those with glory crowned.
Still, still they toll, and I should feel a damp,
A chill as from a tomb, did I not know
That they are dying like an outburnt lamp,
That 'tis their sighing, wailing, ere they go
Into oblivion -that fresh flowers will grow,
And many glories of immortal stamp.
Calling the people to some other prayers,
Some other gloominess, more dreadful cares,
More harkening to the sermon's horrid sound.
Surely the mind of man is closely bound
In some blind spell: seeing that each one tears
Himself from fireside joys and Lydian airs,
And converse high of those with glory crowned.
Still, still they toll, and I should feel a damp,
A chill as from a tomb, did I not know
That they are dying like an outburnt lamp,
That 'tis their sighing, wailing, ere they go
Into oblivion -that fresh flowers will grow,
And many glories of immortal stamp.
lunes, 1 de noviembre de 2010
To Be - Gutiérrez Nájera
¡Inmenso abismo es el dolor humano!
¿Quién vió jamás su tenebroso fondo?
Aplicad el oído a la abra oscura
de los pasados tiempos... Dentro cae
lágrima eterna. A las inermes bocas
que en otra edad movió la vida nuestra
acercaos curiosos... ¡Un gemido
sale temblando de los blancos huesos!
La vida es el dolor. Y es vida oscura
pero vida también la del sepulcro.
La materia disyecta se disuelve;
el espíritu eterno, la sustancia,
no cesa de sufrir. En vano fuera
esgrimir el acero del suicida.
El suicidio es inútil. ¡Cambia el modo,
el ser indestructible continúa!
¡En ti somos, Dolor, en ti vivimos!
La suprema ambición de cuanto existe
es perderse en la nada, aniquilarse,
dormir sin sueños... Y la vida sigue
tras las heladas lindes de la tumba.
¡No hay muerte! En vano la llamáis a voces,
almas sin esperanza. Proveedora
de seres que padezcan, la implacable
a otro mundo nos lleva. No hay descanso.
Queremos reposar un solo instante
y una voz en la sombra dice: ¡Anda!
Sí: la vida es mal. Pero la vida
no concluye jamás. El dios que crea
es un esclavo de otro dios terrible
que se llama el Dolor. Y no se harta
el inmortal Saturno. Y el espacio,
el vivero de soles, lo infinito,
son la cárcel inmensa, sin salida,
de almas que sufren y morir no pueden.
¡Oh, Saturno inflexible, al fin acaba,
devora lo creado y rumia luego,
ya que inmortales somos, nuestras vidas!
¡Somos tuyos, Dolor, tuyos por siempre!
Mas perdona a los seres que no existen
sino en tu mente que estimula el hambre...
¡Perdón, oh Dios, perdón para la nada!
Sáciate ya. Que la matriz eterna,
engendradora del linaje humano,
se torne estéril... que la vida pare...
¡Y ruede el mundo cual planeta muerto
por los mares sin olas del vacío!
¿Quién vió jamás su tenebroso fondo?
Aplicad el oído a la abra oscura
de los pasados tiempos... Dentro cae
lágrima eterna. A las inermes bocas
que en otra edad movió la vida nuestra
acercaos curiosos... ¡Un gemido
sale temblando de los blancos huesos!
La vida es el dolor. Y es vida oscura
pero vida también la del sepulcro.
La materia disyecta se disuelve;
el espíritu eterno, la sustancia,
no cesa de sufrir. En vano fuera
esgrimir el acero del suicida.
El suicidio es inútil. ¡Cambia el modo,
el ser indestructible continúa!
¡En ti somos, Dolor, en ti vivimos!
La suprema ambición de cuanto existe
es perderse en la nada, aniquilarse,
dormir sin sueños... Y la vida sigue
tras las heladas lindes de la tumba.
¡No hay muerte! En vano la llamáis a voces,
almas sin esperanza. Proveedora
de seres que padezcan, la implacable
a otro mundo nos lleva. No hay descanso.
Queremos reposar un solo instante
y una voz en la sombra dice: ¡Anda!
Sí: la vida es mal. Pero la vida
no concluye jamás. El dios que crea
es un esclavo de otro dios terrible
que se llama el Dolor. Y no se harta
el inmortal Saturno. Y el espacio,
el vivero de soles, lo infinito,
son la cárcel inmensa, sin salida,
de almas que sufren y morir no pueden.
¡Oh, Saturno inflexible, al fin acaba,
devora lo creado y rumia luego,
ya que inmortales somos, nuestras vidas!
¡Somos tuyos, Dolor, tuyos por siempre!
Mas perdona a los seres que no existen
sino en tu mente que estimula el hambre...
¡Perdón, oh Dios, perdón para la nada!
Sáciate ya. Que la matriz eterna,
engendradora del linaje humano,
se torne estéril... que la vida pare...
¡Y ruede el mundo cual planeta muerto
por los mares sin olas del vacío!
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